Much More Mundane Monday's

Its monday.. Why not?

Morning chaps.. Sorry about the disappearance on Friday, some of you must've been bummed(Kate).. I decided to partake in some Friday golf. One of those golf days when your old school organises a day to rekindle friendships with douches, or see old teachers who still to this day make you cackle with laughter( Mr Shaw).. The only thing i disliked about Friday, was the golf.. The golf? Yes, it was dismal, we played at Glendower, Johannesburg, great course, beautiful, alas my swinging was anything but. Although that wasn't the point(so i was told) but at the prize giving it was all about the golf, lucky enough I had a something to cheer about as one of our four ball took top honours, something I thought i had helped with, (Not really!).. My hands look like a blistered 15 year old having just spent a couple of hours in the bathroom by himself with his dad's penthouse.. Blooded and bleeded it was a good time.. The funniest thing about the whole day, is the caddy's we had were wickedly amazing, content to allow us to do anything, they served as our trusted companions, guiding us through bunkers and impossible shots.. Maybe even altering the score card, ha ha.. by the end of the day my caddy was the only one who hated his golfer, he had a polio induced limp which made feel bad for carrying my bag for 18 holes while I cursing my bummed knee complained the whole time..

ha ha.. good times.. 

Dunno if you guys heard about that douche from Chelsea. They call him Ashley Cole.. that he is such nitwit, shot a work experience young man at the training ground the other day.. Cole, the former gunner's man-tiger woods-wannabe-asshole was mucking about with a  two-two air rifle, and did not know it was loaded and accidently shot the kid.. haa ha ha ha.. can you imagine that dudes day? "bye mom, i'm going to my awesome work experience job at Chelsea FC, (later) hi mom at hospital just got shot by no 3, yes that’s the fuck head, Ashley Cole.. yes will be home for supper.. " ha ha.. Come on the blues, sort your shit out.. you guys are basically ffffed.. No title ambitions this year, so sit back and watch Roman...

Just a quick glance at the football issue and the blues.. No not Chelsea.. Birmingham! Yes you beauties! And more than that costa Foster has got the cup 3 times in a row.. ha ha.. that’s more silverware than the gunners have seen in 10 years.. by one crappy keeper(although he played magnificently as he does on cup final days.. its called BMT Arsenal..).. sorry about that chaps.. soon... maybe the premier league... ha ha ha.. Just to rub salt in the wounds.. Obafemi Martins said it was the easiest goal he had scored.. even though it was to win a cup.. ha ha..

To all those teachers over there, i really hope you guys are not ignorant and are paying close attention to the shit storm that is brewing around you.. Some of you have just landed in South Korea and are stoked, others are about to leave(smart).. Just keeping up with what good, ol Kim is doing in the North there.. he is getting ready to do some damage to the 37th parallel.. if you know what i mean, so.. register with the embassy and keep in contact with us..

I'm thinking of you guys daily as that volatile area plays around.. With Kim stating that the south stop sending propaganda over the river.. The south has been littering the river with pamphlets of what has happened in Egypt and Libya trying to start up their own passion into ending tyrant behaviour.. Mmm.. I just don't think Kim will take anything lying down.. he's more of a... NUCLEAR ass wipe who might just press the red button..

Ya the Oscars, didn’t watch too much.. I dig James Franco, i do.. but it was a little tame, although i still ahve Ricky Gervais in my mind.. So hey.. but the Kings Speech did well, kiff 4 Oscars etc.. bla bla.. all the Oscar talk is boring to me.. I just want know to who won and move on, best actor, best actress , etc.. no-best screen play kak.. and I’m sorry that's just me.. go read a heat magazine! ha ha ha..

I've got some news from the Cape Town vision guest writer.. Simon Minnaar.. :

Si Minnaar reporting from the kaap

When I asked TC what I should write about, he replied ‘the 411 in CT...bitches and rugby’. I was stoked to write on two of the things that consume most of my thoughts!
Im sitting here, typing away  and thinking “Shit, this weekend was actually perfect in terms of sport, all the sides i support won, and Arsenal lost in the last minute in a FINAL to some side from the midlands”...life is great! BUT no..it was not perfect, in fact it was far from perfect. The Sharks won. Im not going to go into detail about my ‘dislike’ for them, but ja, their win just ruins everything.
As a Stormers supporter I was definitely a little rattled by the Lions. I personally think they are going to be winning more games than they lose and it’s only a matter of time before that first win arrives. Back to The Stormers, sorry The DHL Stormers, a win is a win. I think that the Newlands faithful have a side that made two finals last year and will be making sure that the supporters are getting drunk for joy rather than depression this season. Im really missing Bolla Conradie though, not for his rugby, but more for his ‘fuck you’ attitude to anyone that grated him! Hahaha, I can imagine Bolla standing on the sideline at Newlands (as a staff member) tripping Pat Lambie and just going ‘Tsek you laatie’.

In terms of suprises, it was good to see the Rebels get a win over the Brumbies. Jeez, I can’t believe Danny Cipriani used to bang Kelly Brooke (okes, go and google her)...AND he kicked the winning penalty for the Rebels on Friday!
I know TC only asked me to write about rugby, but how intense was the cricket match between India and England?? I find it hilarious how there is a deathly hush around the ground when a Pom batsmen hit a six, but if India took a wicket or Sachin Tendulkar so much as took a breathe, the entire stadium erupted! Anyway, the game ended in a TIE which is probably a fair result and a good one for The Proteas.

Ridonculus game..

What can i say about the ‘bitches’!? Well, I can’t speak for the rest of the republic, but Cape Town has seriously gotten it right this summer. Ladies (I’m toning my gangster down), if any of you are reading this, please just keep doing what you are doing!! Honestly, take a walk through the CBD, the beaches, Cavendish square, forries..you name it..there are 10 out of 10s in abundance at the moment. It breaks my heart that I’m no longer at UCT anymore, because the first couple of weeks are all about ‘scoping out the new cheeeeiks ma chaaarna’. I have my sources that have reported a disgraceful amount of hotness walking around. As Jay from The Inbetweeners says “It’s clunge heaven”.

Who Si plays xbox with..

On a serious-ish note, the ladies of Cape Town aren’t rivalled when it comes to mooiness. I’m not even talking about just the born and bred lasses. Cape Town being as diverse..ok im not going to go all PC here..lets be honest..people come to live in Cape Town because it’s the shit!! Sooo, all the ladies of Cape Town are pushing it at the moment. I mean I’ve just re-read this paragraph and I’ve pretty much said the same thing 5 different ways, but it’s because my mind is so warped it’s a joke. Hope this week is full of bitches and ruggas!
Keep it tidy
x

Thanks si, killer stuff..

just to end it off.. If y'all ever go to prison do what this chap did.. he had all kinds of things stuck up his rectum just before heading into the big square cell.. ha ha.. seriously.. think about what you'll need and make sure.. like this clown..

Neil had been sentenced to a short stay in the chookie on a minor drug charge, but he thought it best to take a few luxuries from home with him. And by a few, I mean 30.

When police conducted a routine search, they noticed a condom poking out of Neil’s behind. And what they found was nothing short of amazing.

The condom contained:

• 17 Oxycodone tablets
• one cigarette
• six matches
• one flint
• one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle
• one lip balm container
• one additional unused condom
• a receipt from CVS pharmacy
• and a paper coupon

All up his special place.. Gives a new meaning to ASS man.. hey KG?.. ha ha..

Jam hard and have a sick week!

TAUNTED.