Taught Tight Thursday's

PHOOOOOOZA THURSDAY.. oh yeah.. thats right.. ONE more day till the weekend..

I feel it.. Its nearly here! hell yea! Well.. I have to begin with some FOOTIE.. eh boys..

To those that watched the Barca v Arsenal game, wicked match and i hate to say it, great win for the dudes from North London, you looked your usual selves in the first half but raised your game in the second and there was some good play from oaks such as Jack Wilshire..He was most def the best player for the team on the day.. Messi, ah below his normal standards, but was taht because he was playing a good team, who knew how to keep pressure on. At times, the little midget looked a little disinterested, i think he was just tired as towards the end of the second half the gunners were playing at a phonetic pace, it was end to end stuff.. Nice game fuckers!

Charlie Sheen Offers Advice To Lindsay Lohan – Badboy actor Charlie Sheen offered some advice today to troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan: Try working on “your impulse control.” No, really, Sheen said that. ”I have some things I think she should consider, cause I don’t tell anybody what to do,” Sheen said on The Dan Patrick Show. “Just try and think things through a little bit before you do them.” [nypost]

 imagine teh blind leading the blind? ha ha.. charlie my boy, you are a mans man, a god, but a role model.. I think not, or one for advice, regardless how many times you been down that white Colombian filled road.. pull over pal..ha ha ha.. seriously, thats like Zuma giving advice to.... THE WHOLE COUNTRY about birth control.. seriously?? You dumb smuck.. ha ha.. just get back to 2 and half men... (try this next time you watching two and half men, watch charlie sheen very closely, some episodes he plays drunk, he really is high on an eight ball of coke, $1000 ladies of the night and some bottles that haven't seen darker places since there conception!

Speaking of darker places, democracy is on the rise.. and those of you who ever had History 102 with a certain eccentric professor should remember all teh talk about democracy, the end of the world, environment and other interesting Cobbin lectures.. well Libyan Riots – Is It Gaddafi’s Turn Now? - Hundreds of protesters have reportedly torched Libyan police outposts in the eastern city of Beyida, while chanting: “People want the end of the regime.” Demonstrators gathered in the early hours of Wednesday morning in front of Benghazi’s police headquarters and chanted slogans against the “corrupt rulers of the country”. .. It looks like dudes have had enough, it looks like oaks are keen to chuck, get their 20year leader OUT that bitch.. feck, one by one, dudes have had enough.. its time to move on, who's next? We can take bets, but I'm going with IRAN, the right guess wins a prize courtesy of  Cut and Paste Clothing.. (Hornby and Co).. ha ha..

Imagine dying at your desk.. okay, so your dead.. and then.. its friday.. but you die around 8am.. early in the morning with everyone working around you, and NO ONE notices!! That's right, no one notices! That would be hilarious! Well sad, you would most likely be chop/douche/dick/bitch or just a loner.. that's bad.. a loner, shame.. well it happened to a lady who worked at LA County(municipality) and she died at 9am on Friday morning, and no one noticed till a security dude on Saturday! fuck me, the whole day Friday, no one said shit to her, and then sat... they find her, dead!

Adding to the topic of dead people(I don't see them, contrary to popular belief) there has always been stuff said about the Muslim faith etc, Muslim radicalism and terrorism etc. Which is weird as you don't get Muslims parading before football matches praying in the middle of the pitch, or taking off their shirts to reveal a "christian" slogan such as the one seen below by KAKa.. Imagine a dude came up to you with his religious banter in your face.. You would get bummed? so why do we tolerate all the christian propaganda? Is the world biased? Do we not live in a secular society, why can't we get boozer on Sundays? huh, well we can, but i mean, seriously? Cause of what is spoken in scripture? I'm not bible bashing i'm simply stating that lately we have been bombarded( talking sports context) with the players faith.. most of which is christian.. For example my boy Javier Chicarito  Hernandez, loves to get in the middle of the pitch and pray, chilled, that didn't bother me, neither do the celebration but a lot of Egyptian players who pray when a goal is scored as they do at mosque. That too is chilled, its when you go and print a slogan on a shirt, win the game and then go around parading your shirt.. fuck off with that will you!

That saying, fuck off will you, reminds me of my favourite chef, Gordon Ramsay, they guy is awesome, says it how it is..So some dudes are like he's rude, yes he is, some dudes say he doesn't respect anyone, maybe.. But the guy is entertainment and knows food, two things i like very much, entertainment and food. These take my mind of the fact that there are some sick fucks around.. So stupid fucks who imprison their daughters and rape them, as well as father children, like 7! SICK FUCKS, in Argentina, there have been 3 reported cases in the last month of this happening! I thought the Austrian disease was over(friezel [sicc]) who had basically made a family with his daughter and kept in the basement! What the F.. come on oaks.. you need Jesus.. To top it off, that strudel loving nation has also provided the world with another psycho.. Who was also doing the nasty with his children.. fucker.. The 48-year-old German, identified only as Detlef S, is charged with 350 counts of sexually abusing minors in his care between 1987 and 2010, and with 35 counts of facilitating sexual acts with minors. Detlef S is accused of abusing his twin stepchildren, who are now 28, from 1987 when they were around four years old. He began molesting his daughter, who is now 18, when she was nine(Daily Star). Dude one word times 5.. DIE you piece of shit..

Have a sick day..

TAUnTed.

Final note.. the weekend is..

Willow Wading Wednesday

Waking up, knowing that there is work soon, there is some point in the early hours you have to be is without a  doubt the bane of any existence of any civilisation. I don't care if you say you are a morning person 'cause YOU"RE lying bitch.. The human body was designed to manoeuvre but it cannot do so if it is strained/tired/hungover to the best of its capacity.. and shit, I've been strained for so long, its like being stuck in 4th gear and you know your vehicle goes to 7th! ha ha... I wonder what car i would be had I been a car, I'm thinking a Ford Mustang, you know, loud, proud and ready to move.. Any who, i woke thinking of exactly that.. why oh why?

These dudes in Columbia found a submarine used to transport cocaine into Mexico.. they built it.. lol.. imagine if these dudes worked legit, they could and most likely do anything.. feck drug dealers..

Reading the news today, our great ex archbishop Tutu, is a great man.. his son is not.. ha ha.. shame Trevor Tutu has apparently forgotten about his 12 year old son and now the mom of the child has taken him to court to get him to pay the monthly maintenance.. Come on chap, your dad is ARCHBISHOP TUTU, talk about dragging the family name through the mud.. You douche, stop trying to be a "nigga" and pay your baby momma.. Apparently he doesn't have a job, but I mean come on ass fuck, seriously? You are only serving to strengthen stupid stereotypes. But hey, fuck this crack head, he is an ass, personally I didn't dig him, he is a Cbomb..trust me!

So this American teenager (duh!!)  wrote on facebook that he was looking for a hitman to take out this chick for $500.. According to News 24, 19-year-old Corey Christian Adams, of Westchester, Pennsylvania, accepted a plea agreement on Friday on charges of rape, criminal solicitation of murder and other counts.
On his Facebook page he posted an update saying he’d offer $500 for “a girls head.” In a later posting, police say Adams said “he needed this girl knocked off right now.”.. can you spell fricken idiot!!

Which brings me to OJ Simpson.. OJ, OJ OJ.. you used to be a lucky son-a-bitch then you went  and got caught for armed robbery.. What a clown.. what a fricken clown.. so he got cuffed, and served 9 years in jail.. finally he got the cell he wanted.. ha ha.. Then in prison this fuck head..I use it loosely but its definition is defiantly for this clown.. because he was boasting to inmates of all the beautiful white women he has been with, and a white supremacist heard this and beat the shit out of him! He was in the infirmary for 3 weeks! ha ha ha ha ha ha... shame.. but ha ha ha.. what was he thinking.. apparently he won’t leave his cell now.. wow Oj only 9 years to go sucker..dont drop the soap you stupid punk ass!

Hello what day is it? oh yeah.. its the beginning of a very exciting day for the gunners and (eventual winners.. sorry oaks but we are looking at the one of the greatest teams of our generation) Barca! Whoo.. if you not watching the game.. what the F are doing? jack shit.. for the neutral it is going to be a wicked game of footie.. for the uneducated in the game.. This would be one of those to watch..  this guy right here.. THIS DUDE RIGHT HERE..

these boys over here, jamming playstation, guess who they are playing as? Barca! ha ha

Tankey Triumphant Tuesday's

Hope you all had a good valentines..ha ha

Most days or weeks begin with some slow started motion of BS.. You know, the first sip of coffee, the sigh, the drive to work/school/toilet, the sigh and then there is the duration of the first day, which is amazingly always long and drawn out..and the sigh If this is not you, consider yourself very lucky, as one man decided he could no longer do this every Monday, and decided to spice it up with a little C4 in his office parkade! He was like fuck it, and blew his boss’s car along with other co-workers vehicle into oblivion. Ha ha, dig this dude already he promptly quit after that! Legend! This got me thinking of all the times I’ve gotten mad, I didn’t do anything but if I had….Mmm..Home affairs would be levelled, so would govt/traffic/banks etc.. good thing I’m not the hulk.. YET..

I was driving across the border yesterday from Botswana to South Africa and noticed how much we are the mercy of crack heads with a little bit of power. As soon as these dudes, (immigration officers/security guards at concerts/parking dudes/etc) have  a whiff of cock meat they act like it, you have to beg, smile literally kiss ass of a douche just to get by smoothly.. Like us, we got to the border and were asked to open the boot, sweet. I did and in there was the usual AK47 and grenades.. NO bitch it was just bags, and kiddies clothes nothing malicious. Ah alas the dick head wanted to know why my surname was funny, and maybe the document was forged and WE must be carrying something!! Ha ha.. ass fuck! I had to do “no sir, never, etc you are awesome sir” kak.. He finally let me go and in my foul mood wanted to ask him a few questions but decided not too, bail is hectic! But seriously what is with the chaps who have nothing better to do then fuck with you, but in a serious manner, when it would take less effort by them to do it the other way, the world would spin smoother, trust me! Especially in Africa, people have no power at home, so when they are put in a position of power they go a little over the top. Like my man who is  in charge of allocating parking at the office park. I had to unload some stuff and he said NO, you have to park over there (5km away) and carry the stuff.. I told him to go stuff it, he then wanted to clamp my car.. Okay understandable, but without reason there is a word for oaks like him, its very rude and rhythms with runt! DOUChE.. He should get the sudden adult death syndrome”. Which basically just kills you, SUDDENLY. Scary huh.. yea, that’s right, for no reason, and with a brilliant name like that SUDDEN ADULT DEATH SYNDROME.. If you have it.. You are dead.. True story..  It happened to that doll who was coming right with her new boyfriend(satan) and she died right there.. the dude must be pretty messed up, shot gun watching him come right again, he will be FREAKing out.. ha ha ha.. shame.. ha ha.

Speaking about dumb luck or lack thereof, the whole story with regards to Winnie-full of crap-Mandela and the cops who were doing their job and now are suspended.. SUCH UTTER CRAP.. the story goes if you haven’t heard(where the fuck have u been?) is that she was being driven, recklessly(says the cops who stopped her) and was stopped by the cops.. long story short they were like” do you know who we have?” they were like we don’t give a shut your mouth .. and NOW the cops are suspended(with pay.. who’s complaining) but for doing their jobs.. I don’t know.. I think some political interference has been done.. I mean Winnie should be in shit.. in my opinion.. Unless the 5.0 did something out of procedure which they didn’t.. welcome to home.. SA.. ha ha ha.. fuckers.. Almost like the COKE recipe.. apparently its out.. lets make our own coke.. I would call mine.. COkey Von Cokester.. fuck that’s sick.. It was published in 1979 under some small newspaper and was never picked up, Coke used it as some jingle piece for the history of the beverage.. NOW oaks are keen.. Bet you RIGHT now there is some punk making that shit, he’s gonna test it, and then he’s going to die! Ha ha.. watch this space!

Alcohol survey just returned and some interesting things out there.. Basically proving that a certain ginger lawyer isn’t drinking all the booze.. ha ha ha.. The good news is that we haven’t gotten any worse at drinking; the WHO puts our consumption rates at stable over the past five years, meaning we’re still in the 10-12.49 litres per person per year bracket – any more and we’d be in the red, like Moldovan. Those guys averaged at 18.2 litres of pure alcohol in a year, though – so we didn’t exactly come home with gold.We got honourable mentions, though; in southern Africa, Namibia and South Africa have the highest levels of consumptions, and get this -“High patterns of drinking scores, or the most risky patterns of drinking, prevail in Kazakhstan, Mexico, the Russian Federation, South Africa and Ukraine.” [WHO]

Someone just ran up to me and said did you know that Harry is going to be Prince William’s best man.. Two things.. DUH.. that’s a given twat and second.. I don’t care.. well that’s what I said, but I do in truth.. we all do.. I mean.. He’s not a pompous looking Cbomb like Prince Charles and he’s kinda cool.. come on admit it.. ha ha.. You won’t? All liars..

Dudes have a sick day..
Taunted.

PS:: if you think I'm not going to mention a game on saturday.. a derby red v blue.. Your wrong.. ROONEY ROONEY! fucking legend of a goal.. suck it up chaps.. you cant hate on that! SCOUsers, you must be stoked at Torres amazing start fora team called Chelsea.. ha ha.. (Niks, for you! ) ha ha.. Arsenal, nice.. i can say that.. but you know its all in the past... CHAMPIONS LEAGUE.. finally bitches!! fuck im excited!!

Taunted again.

Freakishly Fricken Friday's

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Tickle of the Thursday Throat

Thursday... Oh yeah the day you know is right around the corner, nearly there.. one more.. sooo close! lol.. So I was talking to a cousin in London, who is working hard doing what all "SAFAS" do over there, wanting to come back, making good money, talking about starting something back over here etc.. Its funny, hearing mates who are on far away adventures, such as cruising the Caribbean, teaching English in Asian countries to kids who "cant read good, and stuff" and those bustling it out in wicked cosmopolitan cities of Europe...BUT really its more like swabbing the decks Arrrr.. NO, seriously cleaning up the ship and all the dirty crap. granted the beauty is there but so is the shit.. ha ah..Teaching in countries where EVERYmafucking thing epidemic starts.. Mmmm.,. let me see.. H1N1 virus.. yes, FMD outbreaks, SARS.. shit the list is endless.. oh did i mention, natural disasters, thats why i speak to you oaks all the time, its like you're at war.. with natural disasters/fatal diseases and asian girls.. ha ha.. lucky bastards! To be honest a hint of jealousy in there, never the less truth..

My best friend is back in "hab"..(rehab) Charlie Sheen, that tricky bastard! I dig him but good God that dude has a problem, he wants to pay for his crew of 2 and half men's wages while he's tied to steel bed in rehab..as the studio will not while they show is downed. Ha ha, yea Charlie good oak, doesn't make up for the fact that he's a crack head addicted to ladies of the night! ha ha..

Speaking of good things, have you guys ever wondered when your driving and you see an amazing car, i mean, a sleeked line, beauty.. sports car, super car, what ever, and you imagine the driver.. you know, if it's  a SLK and its a woman you imagine this classic, Catherine Zeta Jones type gorgeous lady and what you end up with is.. well the exact opposite similar to what happens when you go No # 2.. lol.. 

Twitter Valued At $10 Billion – As Internet valuations climb and bankers and would-be buyers circle Silicon Valley in an increasingly frothy tech market, many eyes are on one particularly desirable, if still enigmatic, target: Twitter. Discussions with at least some potential suitors have produced an estimated valuation of $8 billion to $10 billion. [wallstreetjournal] I am keen to try and organise.. a bid.. dudes?

Taunted. For nOw.

Wicked Wednesday Witches

Another day, another dollar/rand/pula/pound! Or in the case of the organisers of the World Festival of Youth, R100million was spent on organising a conference which R500 and some bergies would have covered! I say this because at the same time of spending R100 million, which came from different allocations such as the National Lottery Board and local goverment. The festival was meant for about 30 000 people and got only 15000 Do you know how much was spent on food? R30million! This works out to around R222 per delegate per day for meals that included polony, bread and an apple for breakfast, and fish and chips, or a chicken leg and thigh with pap for other meals. ha ha ha... I would have loved to go to this festival, poor organisation led delegates to resort to team building games and so fourth as some of the speakers failed to come, i wonder why?!! (dudes were probably like, um no, we'll give this a skip!) What i cant understand is the incompetence of the chaps running this event, the dudes in charge, signing checks, making checks? The stupid ones, why is it always these creeps in charge of shit? argh it is beyond annoying, i say it, but it seems to be problem with Africa. We have the resources, but the implementation is as bad as going to home affairs for a passport and assuming you'll be done in one day.. FAT mafucking chance! ha ha.. incompetence.. one option, send  them to IAN KHAMA.. (president of Botswana) he does not fuck around!

Like the Aborigines in auz who have to special gas at their BP's to stop oaks sniffing the gas.. I mean, special gas that takes the chemical that gives the euphoric feeling after sniffing it! ha ha..  not funny, but a little I mean, "no no, that is normal gas, we cant send that to district x.. those locals will get too high".. Auz, i dislike your cricket/rugby/ozzi ozzie oi oi song/ actually most of the area sucks ass.. and now your degradation to the outback people by removing chemical x from gas! Too much time..

Something that has been doing the rounds within the minds of men around me is, Valentines Day.. that right, time to dust your Casanova moves, get romantic again for a day and put it away.. Or rather that's how some of us see it.. Ha ha.. a dude just mentioned(he is a Col..Lier) the way he got over valentines day with his lady by saying that they both don't give each other gifts and all the jazz with V-day, to them its a normal day! Mmmm... ROOKie.. seriously.. NEVER EVER, take that answer from your lady fellas.. ever, get something, do something abnormal, regardless if its been 3 years(ha ha..sucker) or more.. unexpected romantic gestures are GAY as can be on Valentines, trust me I know, GAY, BUT it has to be done, regardless if its your mom, sister(okay chilled on that on) gran, aunt, any lady in your life, GIVE HER SOMETHING.. (no smart alecs, not the hard cousin that is your better half) a little gesture goes a LONG way, (rugby/football/beers) put it in your GET OUT OF JAIL bank. You know the bank where you can use to get something, go to the game, skip lunch with her folks.. that kind of stuff! ha ha.. be a man, get a ticket to a romantic place like Uitenhage.. ah ha.. bet there is some stupid fuck going to take his lady to Uitenhage for valentines.. ha ha.. if you do go some where book it with Virgin Atlantic, apparently they have the hottest stewardesses voted but passengers and staff alike across all airlines.. I was on a budget airline from jhb to cape town the other week and had that survey been on the plane, the price of the ticket would certainly be the price the airline payed for the hosts, most likely bought of a Russian oil tanker, the lady who served my lunch, I swear had a hairy lip that reminded me of the dude in gym with the hairy back and the sweat, who forgot to wipe down the machine and its glistening with hair and sweat! ha ha.. yummy.. better to be Mexican in America..

Speaking of cheap labour, did y'all hear about the two chaps that were basically kitted out like James Bond-slash-mission-impossible-meets-border jumpers from Mexico used underwater scooters to gain access to the states of the coast of San Diego, they got caught on the beach by helicopters! ha ha.. unlucky chaps, got past the sharks and other water creatures, only to get busted as you touch the soil! So close... dumb shits, almost like the dude who came across from mexico to the states on a surf board, with loads and loads of the special green.. he got cuffed too.. whats wrong with you clowns! as long as its not border control..(which is an awesome show based at Auz airports).. if you watch the show, you'll know only dumb fucks get on the show, as they are usually trying to smuggle something.. like yest, they had this American who had taken 5 different pill at the luggage conveyors, when he was getting questioned he got aggressive. As the meds came on he became disorientated and eventually paralytic.. stupid fucking idiot! he was slurring and all teh stuff they tested had evidence of cocaine. He was this surfer type chap, with a gap between his teeth the size and I shit you not, malema's intelligence and his bank account.. it was huge! I was like dude, get the fuck outta here! ha ha ah..

Dudes have a wicked day, if your a SCOUSER.. unlucky.. you cant change who you are.. ask your keeper who he wants to play for.. REINA... mmm..

Taunted.

Tricky Tuesday Tonic

I woke up this morning to discover a few things:

1) The world is a few sandwiches short of a full picnic basket. I mean you only have to turn on the television to notice. I mean, dudes are drowning under all these floods, from Brazil, South Africa, Australia, Sri Lanka and the list continues. All i can hear in the back of my mind is the soundtrack to 2012. If you haven't seen it don't worry, its only about the end of the world, death destruction the usual. This led me to probe the net, and a lot of predictions about the end of the world have been housed around the year 2012. I'm not saying its going to happen, but that creepy thought crept in. ha ha ha.. what would you do? Shit, i would do a bucket list of kicking Mugabe and Zuma's head in find family and make sure our submarine is stocked!
Did you clowns out there know who the richest man in the world is? huh? two guesses?

Mubarak thats right oaks, the man at middle of Egypt's issues! RepublicReport broke the news that embattled 82-year-old Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak stole between 20 to 40 billion dollars from Egypt’s national treasuries this past 30-years of authoritarian rule. But alas, new emerging reports ridiculously puts the figure higher. The New York POST today, reported a whopping $70Billion making him the richest man in the world. [republicreport]

In other fun bucket list type things, on Sunday around the northern suburbs, the political party characters were doing their usual "VOTE FOR ANC we save/give you a house/save a space for you in heaven" douchebag selves, and this f*ckhead stopped my car, and asked if we had registered to vote and to vote for ANC to continue the legacy! Can you believe this character, so I asked him nicely, "thanks chap, where can i find the Communist party registration, the dude said we don't answer such stupid questions, to which i asked him, which stupid question? The one about voting for ANC and being "saved"? or the communist party? He looked at us, said disgusting gesture and walked away. DOUCHE.. but alas, a little later we were driving past the same spot again but in a different car. We were gestured once again to slow down and pull off to the side to which we did. As the dude came close to the car with that ANC smug look and air of arrogance, we waited till he was at our window and sped off leaving dust in his face! Petty, but significant. It was hilarious!

If you are behind a desk today, working for someone else, getting them to sign your checks then you are someones bitch simple. Regardless in what capacity, you are someones bitch! That being said, I'm someones bitch, but i'm a learning bitch! I take everything that happens store in my vault of skills and wait until i have a pod of hard workers looking to me for advice and skill. I know that biding my time, not only lets me learn but allows me to be exposed to all that is on offer in the industry! Like these dudes running around the building i'm in at the moment, (draft FCB, Jhb).. just looking around, dudes are on the move, running around making deadlines and kissing ass. They kiss to their boss, their boss kisses ass to their boss and the board.. Who does the board kiss ass too? Their wives!

Dudes, have a sick Tuesday.. do something crazy, stupid... either or.. have fun whatever it is.. and if you have time to read my crap, you are jamming!

This picture is of a day in matric called freaky friday.. If these dudes can do this.. especially chubby carl on the far right, then we have nothing to worry about! Dont pull a pirates move and hit a kid on the way to work today!