Tarnished Taunts Tactically

Good Day Fair Chaps and Chapettes..

Flip it has been ages since I last put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) and spoke to you about what has been rambling, sorting, mashed, messed and ground around my brain.  I mean so much has happened since our last conversation i feel like a frat boy trying to convince you of the good times that were had, and the not so good times that were had..

I know some people in the Vodacom retail dept who are like this. #Alistair

Firstly, I was pacing around the book store a couple of months ago and decided to treat some family and friends to copies of THAT book.. Which one? The one with the Shades.. THe Gray Shade.. lol.. Now, that book has sold more copies than fricken 'Arry Potter, that is ridonculus..I mean not only are women being enthralled and feed literary porn, they are raising their expectations of what should expect in the bedroom from their partners. Lol.. and For some reason, women who have never had a someone who lights their fire,  have realized that they are missing out and missing out on the good times..SO many have had to raise their game.. Lol.. a discussion I had last night with a focus group(drunken dudes at McDonalds) was that they are having to do somethings that are edgy in the bedroom with their ladies.. Stuff that makes them blink their eyes twice at having to be asked to.. "put that WHERE?"

Gypsies being relocated.. #NOTcooltobeagypsies

So there I was thinking maybe I should head over to France for the last bit of summer and enjoy everything it has to offer, go camping, hangin out, sing songs, dance, go to festivals and so forth.. Then.. NOOOOO.. the goverment has gone Greek and decided to get rid of all the gypies.. I mean, how can you get rid of gypsies? They are the moral fabric of society, they arre where you don't want to go so you study hard.. Or they are exactly where you go when you have A0 killed someone B) can't work for the man anymore C)hate civil society.. lol.. #gypsies

Can you SAY JAMICA BOSS

Sooo.. the Olympics huh?!! Ha ha ha.. Okay okay, USain Bolt, youa re the fastest.. I get that.. BUT is anyone else thinking that he is for DEF not the greatest fricken athlete in history.. I eman  sure he won gold at the olympics in 2 events twice(maybe thrice after relay final) but, to CLAIM you are the best, and you havent even got to Carl Lewis medal record of 9 in track and field.. IS in my opinion unheard of. Yes he knows how to market himself as an entertainer, brand ambassordor and all around shirt salesman of NOTE..his achievements on the track are SICK, don't get me wrong.. But his showmanship is something else!
By the way.. the beach volley ball was cool.. not.. it was SICK.. I think we should be hosting some of these events in SA.. (beach volley ball) good sport for the youth to get involved with!

Running with a  broken Leg

The image above is the USA relay team in the second change over, the dude running in the shades has a broken leg and it just broke.. Yet he continued running! GEES

Its not beach Volleyball.. BUT goodness.. KP sucks balls tho.

SOOOO SA are winning the series 1-0 with one test left.. The story here isn't about  SA cricket side.. BUT rather the same clowns who import all of their players.. EG England, so there has been some bull today about KP (Kevin Peterson, born and bred in Durban) who has decided the saffas are actually better chaps to talk to then the English players. Ha ha ha.. His captain Strauss is bummed his key player is not focusing on the task at hand, but rather saying "whats up dude" and not "grrrrrr" or something similar.. So KP has been texting AB and Dale Steyn(both players he is former or current teammates in the IPL.. WHat is the big deal? I mean, hey he is my friend so I can't text him? What are we 5? I mean imagine if USAIN BOLT(notice capitals) didn't talk to Yohan Blake or another one of his close competitors? WE would call him a douche.. Or rather i would.. So Straussie.. Easy the F up..


There I was an innocent high school student, doing what I do best. Jamming with friends, sports, chasing girls.. The usual.. There were one or two boys who had the legend status for having bed teachers, stooges(university students helping out) and anyone not a student during my time.. We used to think, HOLY SHIT that guy is a boss! Sooo when i came across this interesting read where not one but two teachers at a school in (of course) the States had been playing around, rubbing two backs with one stone, hiding the magic turkey, downing the two headed bear, skydiving through the honeytrap and other words to describe good times. Lol.. One teacher was holding parties with booze and weed for students.. Before letting them find out where the REAL knowledge fountain is.. *chuckle* She would have them over for parties pile them with booze and weed and do what comes natural to boys when that happens.. They were as young as 15(every 15 year olds dream.. you'd think)..The other teacher was letting a 17year have the best afternoon of his life by performing oral on him every Friday.. (Can you imagine what he would say to his mates when he is late for football practice!)

Teacher who would have parties for students

Teacher who would have parties for the 15yr olds!

Teacher who would give oral

SOOOOO long holiday..for some of you... THE rest of us are here in the office.. Doing what we do best.. ha ha ha...

What do you do if there is something that has been under you're nose the whole time and you fail to notice.. Well then you have messed up severely.. You are an egg head.. a Douche.. Rather live with the awkward moments then the WHAT IF.. Seize the moments..

This is fricken awesome.. #babykiller

has anyone heard anything about Zumaville? A town that is being built down the road from Pres Zuma's homstead? Huh.. R1 Billion rand.. someone please ask who is paying for this. Nice to build towns and so forth, (first one since 1994 that the govt has built) but fuck a duck.. I think we are being taken for a ride that is SOOO unbelievable by those that govern us. Left right and center there is bullshit.. This town echoes bull shit.. I am now peeved so i can't even comment any more.. LAME..

I hope Zumaville has a carwash

I found this extract on how to piss people off.. As sometimes I get in that mood where you look way to content for my liking.. So BECAUSE i can, i make you're day that more interesting.. With a few of these..

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.



SHOUT LOUDER #douche

22. type only in lowercase.
23. dont use any punctuation either
24. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
25. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
26. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
27. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
30. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
31. Sing along at the opera.
32. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.



Look..Women's Day Cartoon .. #NOTcoolORisIT

33. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."