Duck..Its December Douchebaggery Delights..



Chaps and Chapettes...

I know I know.. it often is held back from the religious truth of the great big world.. Its that FRICKEN time.. Yea boi.. Time for December.. if you are in the Southern hemisphere, then WHOO HOOO.. we are enjoying the fruits of summer, beach, swimming, braai's shirts and lots of TSHIRT time.. ha ha ha... Ah the sweet goodness of all the Christmas parties all the drunken fun.. (dont drink and drive.. trust me.. the inside of a cell is not kiff.. )



Jackie before the shitstorm..



Too late now pal..Trying to pull a Shabir  Shaik

Speaking of cells, i wonder how Jackie Selebi's cell must feel right about now.. ha ha ha.. Shame dude, i was there like a week ago and it was as pleasant as removing warts with a razor... Nice huh.. I cant imagine being this guy right now, well i sorta can, one day being the king of your life, living a luxurious awesome life..followed by a smooth transititon to a FULL blown criminal about to embark on a 15 year journey, that my friends is the bottom of the barrel.. Some advice for you people around the world who have never had an idea of what the inside of a cell in certain countries is like. For instance most likely anywhere in Africa/South America and Asia you can pretty be guaranteed to be dealing with some hardcore criminals who want nothing but plunder your sanity and human crevices.. Be afraid, especially if you are going into a prison where some of the inmates you put there, some falsely to cover your crimes, and others who you felt weren't good enough to pay for their freedom.. Its not looking good old man,..





So in line with what stupid criminals get up to(see above) there is another incident that caught my attention today that just made sit back and fricken laugh.. I reckon the reason people do crime(petty crime) is because some of them are slightly the DUMBEST freaking idiots on the planet. If you or me started crime, shit would be in total anarchy.. WE would have this on lock down, hence we are educated and therefore pursuing (or least some of us, Femi you are like Chandler from Friends, no one knows what the fuck you do).. Bank bull.. Any way, so this stupid guy in the States Anthony Miranda, the guy in the picture, learned that lesson the hard way over the weekend when he tried to rob the wrong guy.

The incident took place in Chicago. The fighter in question is only known as “Justin”, and hails from Romania. He did not want to be photographed in any way by the media. On Friday he was waiting in his parked car for a buddy to arrive. Miranda originally approached him and asked if he could have a light for a cigarette. Justin replied that he does not smoke. That’s when Miranda pulled out a gun and shoved it against the side of his head, Justin said:

"He asked me for my wallet, for my phone and my keys. I told him I don’t have a wallet, I only have cash. He cursed me. I handed over $30, but he was not satisfied. At that moment, he backs up the gun and he racks it. The gun jammed. He racked it a second time. He ejected the bullet on the ground. He went down and grabbed the bullet and said, ‘Look, motherfucker, it’s a hollow point. I’ll blow your brains out.’ That’s when he ordered me out of the car. I wasn’t scared because I’m trained. I then performed the maneuver that disarmed my attacker. The round went off, and he shot himself in the foot. I put him down to the ground. He was fighting. He didn’t want to give up. But eventually he was begging me to let him go. He said he has a baby"

For those not aware.. Its COP17 (UN climate conference) and usually the developing nations get shafted by the developed nations who don't want to reduce emissions and all that shit as it will hamper production and therefore economy bla bla bla.. So basically.. they want "us" developing nations, to cut back, the % on their behalf, basically in a nutshell and skipping unimportant notions.. So in Durban where they are, while they flit and flat about bullshitting around what HAS to be done, I realised in a few years this COP17 kak they are talking about will be the most important conference in the world because its going to be only hope that people will have, finding solutions we should thought about yesterday... (a little doom and gloom for you.. ) #truestory

Deadmau5

Wave poool dance floor = bikini+Killamusic+mates=F*cking A..

 Omg.. so this past Sat we had dead mouse in our midst.. lol.. YES Deadmau5(prounced Deadmouse) which by the way, some of you oaks are severe retards Dead (Ma)(5) is what you been saying.. Fuck me i had to laugh.. It was funny, most of those fuckers did not know who Deadmau5 was until there was hype around the concert, then you saw massive MASSIVE oaks suddenly being the biggest fans( i had to go and look at a couple of Youtube vids to remember).. lol.. but i was a FAT fricken concert(well the one in Joburg( we had a whole Saturday of sun, music and fricken epic tequilas!!) H2o I'm sure def was sick, I'm sure the one at the wave house must've been awesome as well.. NOT.. ha ha ha..

Face real.. Body... not.. Do you believe that.. ?

I love advertising and marketing.. Its actually the greatest career to be in.. WHY? well you get to use your grey matter in ways that entertain others, as well as manipulate and lie, somehting most males are fricken awesome at.. So when someone gets smart about the way a shoot should go.. Then there is an outcry about what its doing the youth.. Well i was a youth once and i grew up Rambo, wrestling and Teenage Ninja Turtles, you don't see me screaming  "COWABUNGA" and slicing throats.. OR you don't see me going to the gym injecting roids and running around in my underwear with my tiny penis and hating the world..(well sometimes...) but i mean come on.. The world has def gotten tooo serious! H&M Uses Fake Bodies With Real Models’ Heads - All that griping about how models’ slender proportions are completely unrealistic? Turns out they are literally unrealistic — as in, they are totally fake. H&M has been sticking real models’ heads on computer-generated bodies, reveals Swedish tabloid Aftonbladet. [huffpo]

I mean, these days you can't do anything without upsetting someone.. For instance yesterday I was casually strolling through Sandton City(big ass mall) swinging me keys around, when someone stopped me and asked me to stop swinging me keys around it could take out an eye.. I laughed and asked if she was being serious, she said yes.. I laughed a LOT..again.. she looked like she was getting mad at my reaction, so i laughed again and pointed.. She thought about it, and decided to keep on walking, that's right Sandton Mom, watch out.. ha ha ha.. some folks.. Some Christians Are Angry With Johnny Depp - If some Christian groups get their way, Johnny Depp will end up with a lump of coal in his stocking this Christmas. The “Pirates of the Caribbean” star has enraged at least two religious organizations by contributing vocals to the song “Jesus Stag Night Club” by the British band Babybird. [reuters]

What you gotta love about Golf.. loads of holes!

Its about time that multitalented pimp get back on his horse, if Rooney could do it... Then def the old man can. Obviously the scandal took its toll on our boi.. TWO YEARS!! Tiger Woods won his first golf tournament in two years Sunday when he sank a birdie putt on the 18th hole to edge Zach Johnson by one shot and capture the Chevron World Challenge at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks. Woods finished at 10 under par to win his own tournament, which benefits Woods’ charitable foundation. [latimes]



Gary's kid.. ha ha ha ha



Well i was starting believe that Facebook couldn't continue for ever at the rate of awesome.. I mean, lately all the changes, all the different things have led me to believe Facebook is up to something.. a drastic change, email, random junk on your page..I mean the usual addicts have calmed down..a(The voodoo_warchief)The Beginning Of The End For Facebook? - Rightly or wrongly, what’s caused me to start to evaluate whether Facebook has peaked is my own declining use of the site. I find myself using it less and less each day, sometimes going days or weeks without checking it. Interestingly, I have also observed that many in my network are posting less often. What may be happening is that consumers are experiencing Facebook fatigue. [time]



Nothing says December..than WTF?



Speaking of outdated media, here are Twitters biggest stories this year:

1.Online activist and protest organiser, Wael Ghonim, who said: “If you want to liberate a government, give them the Internet.”

2. Live tweeting of the raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound by Shohaib Athar.

3. Daniel Morales’ use of Twitter to reunite with his daughter after 11 years.

4. NBA star Kevin Durant’s use of Twitter to organise an impromptu game of flag-football with his followers.

5. A group of Londoners using Twitter to organise clean-up efforts after the UK riots in August.

6. The world’s reaction to the earthquake in Japan.

7. Julia Probst, a deaf German football fan who reads the lips of players and coaches during matches and tweets what they’re saying.

8. Stefanie Gordon’s chance encounter with the Space Shuttle Endeavour.

9. TV news anchor Okan Bayulgen’s use of Twitter to save two people trapped in rubble from the earthquake in Turkey.

10. Peter Shankman, who asked for a steak dinner from Morton’s, only to be greeted with one at his airport arrivals gate

If you find yourself bored on the 10th of December.. don't worry.. EL Clasico is on its way.. this year appears to be one for richer club of Madrid.. Well so far.. but we know what Barcelona are like when they are in the mood.. and usually its every big game.. #justsaying..



Ahhh.. United, doing what we do best, keeping in touch, getting ready for the almighty turn of the season when men become boys and champions are revealed.. It has certainly been an up and down season so far for Manchester United, and don't worry fellow members.. Our time is coming, the blue half of Manchester is filled with pundits already stating the champions are here.. well they are.. sorta.. and we will continue... #MUFC

December madness.. Love it..

I used to love these all you can eat buffets.. I mean so what about gluttony and cholesterol, i mean, lets go get some sushi followed by a bacon,cheese and gherkin sandwich and wash it down with some all you drink soda and waffle with ice cream and chocolate sauce. lol.. the Golden Correel, good fricken times.. Britain’s Biggest Restaurant Opens In Bristol - The biggest restaurant in the UK opened its doors this week with a capacity of feeding a small army of 2,100 diners a night. Bristol’s harbor side restaurant Za Za Bazaar spans 30,000 square feet (2,790 square meters) and two floors, and serves up an all-you-can-eat buffet that includes Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Italian and traditional British fare. [luxuo]

 Pictures that shocked the world in 2011:


JAPAN tsunami.. @ tourist boat balancing on 2s story house.. What a crazy year..





The mission that killed Osama Bin Laden..



Food crisis.. North Africa.. it continues..

Radiation quarantine and the little girl wants to play with the dog..



Riots(Canada really? After a fricken ice hockey game!!) in Canada, dude kisses his girlfriend to calm her down.. #powerful





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Take a look..Its okay.. The weekend is around the Corner!

 

Put a visualisation to the action..

Chaps and Chapettes,



If you do something.. DO IT RIGHT..



Sometimes you sit back you open your mind and you attempt to understand the human being's reason for existing on this planet. Not only that, but then the thought of what happens after you have you have left your human form. In the wake of a close friend passing, these thoughts and more constantly ponder my mind. Fundamentally the questions will lead to my belief in God and all the mystical talk about after lives, nirvana's and heaven.. Regardless of my belief, its a difficult moment for me to comprehend.. I mean, the concept is ungraspable.. Just imagining it.. I have this description of stars, looking down on the earth and floating in space.. Unrealistic.. Some say.. oh well..

I like people with balls.. ha ha ha.. the creative team over at the Benetton's agency must have been very goofed when one of their designers started photoshopping world leaders.. Then the creative director(high from his boozy lunch with Silvo) approved all this SHIT! Benetton Unveil Controversial New Ad Campaign - There’s no doubt that these are the pictures of the day. U.S. President Barack Obama kissing his Venezuelan counterpart Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Abbas embracing Benjamin Netanyahu, and Germany’s Angela Merkel locking lips with Nicolas Sarkozy. Is this bad fan fiction? A new approach to international diplomacy? The stunning (albeit photoshopped) images are part of a new campaign by the United Colors of Benetton. [

Only a brand like Abercrombie and Fitch can make THe Situation look like an awesome person.. Jeez.. they are fricken idiots with a capital FUCK head!lol.. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, the abdominal muscle infatuated Jersey Shore actor, is suing Abercrombie and Fitch for making and selling t-shirts with phrases like “The Fitchuation” on them. He is also still distressed about the fake press release Abercrombie put out asking him not to wear their clothes anymore.In August, Abercrombie “asked” “The Situation” and other members of the Jersey Shore cast to stop wearing their clothing. It turned out that this was merely a poorly orchestrated ploy to attempt to boost sales that had been on the decline. Suing them for $4million.. lol.. shit.. apparently the chaps broke as well after spending all of his cash on stupid shit.. Ferrari's and stuff(who wouldn't)...

Mila Kunis.."yes i will be your date you creepy soldier"

This chick is awesome.. the guy who invited.. more awesome.. Although.. I might thave gone with someone like... Sascha Gray.. ha ha ha.. only because you know you are guaranteed a good STICKING after a lot of that special punch they  will be serving up. The Mila Kunis Marine Corps Ball Date: It’s On! – Marine Sgt. Scott Moore’s date with movie star Mila Kunis is on! Kunis’ rep told FOX411.com that reports Kunis was trying to get out of attending the November Marine Corps Ball in North Carolina with Sgt. Moore “are false.” Kunis, who was promoting her film “Friends With Benefits,” famously said “yes,” and her co-star Justin Timberlake backed her up. [foxnews] The chick who asked JT must have been loving life..maybe he'll bring sexy back?(lame)

South Africa has Julius malema and Jacob Zuma, Italy has..sorry HAD.. Silvio Berlusconi. Silvio Berlusconi's Departing Gift To Italy: A Love Album – Italy’s former prime minister and former cruise-ship crooner, Silvio Berlusconi, has released an album of love songs on his last day in office. The self-declared Latin lover, who often boasted that he single-handedly kept large groups entertained for hours on end with his charm and silky voice, wrote the lyrics for the album entitled True Love. [theage] HE WROTE THE LYRICS.. ha ha ha.. this dirty old man who had orges with young ladies and and owns AC Milan... So basically he is a rich dirty old Italian man.. Yummy..

Police Blotter

After stealing surveillance cameras from a Garden Grove, California, business, Howard Shanholtzer ditched the white Mitsubishi pickup truck cops knew he drove and stole another vehicle. “Unfortunately for him,” said Detective Paul Danielson, “the car he stole was also a white Mitsubishi pickup truck.” Shanholtzer was quickly arrested.
Police pulled over a Corpus Christi, Texas, man for failing to signal a turn. Cops became suspicious that something more was up when, they say, the driver blurted out, “It’s not my truck,” followed by, “If you find something, it’s not mine.” And, “If there is anything in that black bag, it’s not mine.” There was something in that black bag, say officers—crack cocaine. And no, they did not believe him



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Castle.. where she waits for me now.. Hohenzollern Castle



Movember.. TO..December and Beyond





Chaps and Chapettes..

Its been ages.. and I thought let me send you some love! ha ha ha ha.. WHOOOO HOOO!!!

Ahhhh, the sweet feel of the end of the year...

We had some of the most amazing hot wings from Hooters.. DO IT..

Yes it may still be a while away before we truly shut shop, send emails to the abyss known as "who the f**k cares at this moment", and go and recharge, join, create, partake in the little break known as December. In the Southern hemisphere this season brings summer, so braai's, beach, sun, pool, beveraging, laughing, more beveraging and many, many "did i really do that"... well.. to most! Ha ha ha..

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It appears in the working world, before things calm down, they have to speed up, alarmingly sooo.. What has become routine suddenly no longer is as days blur into weeks that never seem to end, even though there are only 6 weeks left of the year! In that time, so much has to be completed, so little time and sooo SO many memories needed to be created! Ha ha ha.. The month of Oct was certainly one to remember..

After watching another weekend of awesome sport, (now that the rugby world cup is gone, my levels of stress and anxiety have severely subsided). I mean, it was a rough couple of weeks, constantly on edge, what is Div doing now? What Bakkies injured again? Shit.. It wasn't fun.. Although my premiership team is not a walk in the park, i have a long season to draw out my emotions. I have cried(yes, oaks we were killed by City at old Trafford) and I have begun to look past that game, it has certainly been  a long time, I have endured Arsenal like chants, but realised it is deserved and we will come back stronger.. #united.

OMg, Benni scored 2 goals this weekend! What! I know! You Pirate fans amuse me so much, where were you 2 seasons ago? Ohhh.. now in every tweet/pst you have to mention  something about Pirates.. you Man United virus fans(reference to winning only fans)..

Festive season is creeping up very closely.. Oh oh, now our stupid tank fills up.. Ha ha .. dunno what is about Dec that i always want to do something stupid , fun.. but stupid? ha ha.. Its weird but I think a switch comes on in us boys, "ahh stupid'clock has arrived".. Ha ha.. Lots and lots of jams are creeping into our calender..

11/11/11 Festival in Mpumplanga this weekend.. 3 days of trance madness about to breach.. Looks like its gonna be SICK! Jump in if you dare!!

This year truly has been a year of the live acts in SA.. they have given us U2, Coldplay, Kings Of Leon, Drake like 3 times, R Kelly, Lil Wayne(lost the tickets, so no giveaway) and Deadmau5... (very keen for the last one, in jhb at Wild Waters on the Dec 3) can anyone say.. lets go "ffffing mental".. lol..

To those writing exams, keep going nearly there! ha ha ha.. To those writing their last exams, final push and then NO its not all rosy, but it is what you make it.. So seize it.. Wow(write that down.. ) #truestory

There comes a time when the path beckons in front of you to either, stay on it.. OR to veer in another direction.. When that happens, embrace it, the decisions may seem trivial and life changing(most likely are) but that point is a point in which YOU have control.. It doesn't happen often..learn from it..



Steve "excaddie Williams and Tiger in happier Times



Back to the usual suspects that plague our world.. :

Tiger Woods Caddy Calls Him A “Black Arsehole” – While attending a “caddie of the year” event in Shanghai, where he won “Celebration of the year” thanks to his ridiculous behavior following Adam Scott’s win at the Bridgestone Invitational—including claiming the victory was the greatest of his career—Steve Williams was asked why he made such an absurd statement and said “I wanted to shove it up that black arsehole.” [deadspin] So the caddie is on top of being a douche-attention grabbing-d*ck, is also a racist, NICE.. What a clown, dude, oaks get it, you were with Tiger during the big years and he dropped you.. Sweet, move on, you have now swung the vote in the other way, oaks see Tiger as the poor employer having to deal with racist slurs from you!

This guy is in the headlines more than Obama/Gadaffi/Hitler are/were... I mean, always, he is a continual source of entertainment and I think a reality show featuring Julius would be amazing! ha ha.. Can you imagine the fun/the illegalities that could feature!!

SA Holds Breath As Malema’s Future Hangs In Balance – Julius Malema’s disciplinary hearing wrapped up late last night after a gruelling 12-hour session at Luthuli House, but the fate of the ANC Youth League leader will not be revealed to the South African public for at least another week. [mail&guardian]

Lets be fecking serious.. Justin B would def had given that lady a kid.. I mean, he was the Bieber! ha ha I mean, he prob can't remember, which he can't. he was 17 at the time.. Soooo.. he prob is living the normal life of American teenagers, except his baby momma gonna be PAID! lol... Wrap it up, no matter who you are! (Ahem Fikele Mabula) Justin Bieber To Take DNA Test To Prove Paternity Allegations - Teenage pop star Justin Bieber will take a DNA test later this month to prove he did not father a fan’s baby, and then sue his accuser. Mariah Yeater, 20, claimed in a lawsuit that Bieber impregnated her in October 2010 during a 30-second sex session backstage after the singer, then 16, performed in Los Angeles. [foxnews]

If he can survive T-Rex, YOU can survive ANC..

What the government in SA fails to realise is that every action is seen, noted, and put into the memory bank. Do unto others as you want done to you and all that jazz?? That seems to NOT be the case, in this case where oh you guessed it, another individual of the ruling party was involved in some humanitarian work.

Matric In Coma After Blue-Light Crash – A matric is in a coma and has probably sustained brain damage after being knocked down – allegedly by the official vehicle of a Gauteng MEC over the weekend. Thomas Ferreira, 18, of Krugersdorp was on his way to his girlfriend’s home in Randfontein on his motorbike when he was apparently hit by an official vehicle of Local Government. [news24]

Smart moves, we need more chaps like this!

In this Month's travel blog we are visiting: SWEDEN!!

Ah those Scandinavian vixens have been taunting everything other that blue and yellow for decades.. we here are very keen for the trip and have been sourcing stuff to do.. Looks.. fun..

This is how crazy our world is.. I mean we are sooo obsessed with obtaining artefacts of the creepy and weird variety! For instance, i saw that they were selling Queen Victorias knickers, big ol white tightie whities..Yea gross, they looked to have increments that would be serve as reminders that THEY were in fact undergarments.. Staying in the same time period as those that are selling Queen V's sexy lingerie, if any creep of an individual went around trying to obtain someone elses underwear, they would be labelled FREAK/CREEP/PERVET!! , but its okay to sell skidmarked undies of a queen??? Go figure!

Then  you have fuckers selling toothes for over R2 million South African rand.. enough to tell your boss to stuff it for a couple of years if you are dumb, a decade if you are  smart.. a lifetime if you have what I call.. free from idiotacy!The tooth fairy's rates have dramatically increased in the last 40+ years, especially when the bounty is a Beatle's molar. John Lennon's tooth fetched £19,000 (about $31,200) at auction in England Saturday.

Selling this man's tooth..

The tooth had been in the family of Lennon's former housekeeper. Lennon gave it to Dot Jarlett to dispose of sometime between 1964 and 1968, but then he suggested she keep the tooth to give to her daughter, who was a big Beatles fan.Lennon's molar is too fragile to be DNA tested to confirmed it belonged to him

It better be Debbie Does Dallas



What I like about today's shrew businessman, is that they have identified a gap where traditional business practices don't lead you to instant success..but sex does! Lol.. that's why you need porn on planes! So that little 8years olds can see some golden showers on the way to see their Gran! The head of Ryanair wants to add some X-rated options to in-flight entertainment. Michael O’Leary told British tabloid the Sun that he hopes to offer a pay-per-view porn service similar to those offered in hotel rooms through a new Ryanair app on smart phones. Naughty, Michael. [nydailynews]



 How to catch a college grad:

Cigs/colourful sunnies/beer/camera/lanyard

 Sometimes its easier to be alone.. Ha ha a ha.. NOT.. Its nearly December.. i think its time we exercise our right to be a little fricken crazy!!

 Pad of the month.. This man tree house.. Every oaks dream, reminds you of being 12, but with permission of a 25year old! House party with sabre swords and throwing balls in the house!!

Sooooo..there I was sitting in a room, waiting... waiting for...Waiting for an answer, a change, a slice of good news, a taste of decadence, a feel of joy...

Builders building a skyscraper back in the early 40s. no ropes, no fear and a bottle of whiskey...Forward to 2011, oaks tried to replicate it.. See below..



2011 New York, dudes, in hardhats, safety lines, and orange juice.. How times have changed..Ha ha a.. P*ssies!



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